NOTE: As a student you may be impressed by the length of the post but don't let that stop you. You can read parts of it or keep it for a 'rainy day'! You may feel it is overwhelming ... possibly! Remember the idea of baby steps. You don't need to understand every word, do the best you can.
BRENÉ BROWN
INFO: Brené Brown is a research professor at the
University of Houston Graduate College
(CNN) -- The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting, but as hard
as we try, we can't turn off the tapes that fill our heads with messages like
"Never good enough" and "What will people think?"
Why, when we know that there's no
such thing as perfect, do most of us spend an incredible amount of time and
energy trying to be everything to everyone? Is it that we really admire
perfection? No -- the truth is that we are actually drawn to people who are
real and down-to-earth. We love authenticity and we know that life is messy and
imperfect.
We get sucked into perfection for
one very simple reason: We believe perfection will protect us. Perfectionism is
the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can
minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.
We all need to feel worthy of love
and belonging, and our worthiness is on the line when we feel like we are never
___ enough (you can fill in the blank: thin, beautiful, smart, extraordinary,
talented, popular, promoted, admired, accomplished).
Perfectionism is not the same thing
as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and
growth; it's a shield. Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around
thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really
preventing us from being seen and taking flight.
Living in a society that floods us
with unattainable expectations around every topic imaginable, from how much we
should weigh to how many times a week we should be having sex, putting down the
perfection shield is scary. Finding the courage, compassion and connection to
move from "What will people think?" to "I am enough," is
not easy. But however afraid we are of change, the question that we must
ultimately answer is this: What's the greater risk? Letting go of what people
think -- or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?
So, how do we cultivate the courage,
compassion, and connection that we need to embrace our imperfections and to
recognize that we are enough -- that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?
Why we're all so afraid to let our true selves be seen and known. Why are we so
paralyzed by what other people think? After studying vulnerability, shame, and
authenticity for the past decade, here's what I've learned.
A deep sense of love and belonging
is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively,
physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When
those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We
fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick. There are certainly
other causes of illness, numbing, and hurt, but the absence of love and
belonging will always lead to suffering.
As I conducted my
research interviews, I realized that only one
thing separated the men and women who felt a deep sense of love and belonging
from the people who seem to be struggling for it. That one thing is the belief
in their worthiness. It's as simple and complicated as this:
If we want to fully experience love
and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.
The greatest challenge for most of
us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute. Worthiness doesn't
have prerequisites.
So many of us have created a long
list of worthiness prerequisites:
• I'll be worthy when I lose 20 pounds
• I'll be worthy if I can get
pregnant
• I'll be worthy if I get/stay sober
• I'll be worthy if everyone thinks
I'm a good parent
• I'll be worthy if I can hold my
marriage together
• I'll be worthy when I make partner
• I'll be worthy when my parents
finally approve
• I'll be worthy when I can do it
all and look like I'm not even trying
Here's what is truly at the heart of
whole-heartedness: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and
belonging now. Right this minute. As is.
Letting go of our prerequisites for
worthiness means making the long walk from "What will people think?"
to "I am enough." But, like all great journeys, this walk starts with
one step, and the first step in the Wholehearted journey is practicing courage.
The root of the word courage is cor
-- the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had
a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant to
speak one's mind by telling all one's heart.
Over time, this definition has
changed, and, today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics are
important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we've lost touch with the
idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we're
feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.
Heroics are
often about putting our life on the line. Courage is about putting our
vulnerability on the line. If we want to live and love with our whole hearts
and engage in the world from a place of worthiness, our first step is
practicing the courage it takes to own our stories and tell the truth about who
we are. It doesn't get braver than that.
Here is the LINK to her blog/web site.
ENJOY and LEARN!
SUZANNE
On her site, you may choose some of her talks that are registered on video.
If you go to http://www.ted.com you have the possibility of following the TRANSCRIPT as you listen. TRY IT!!!
A QUOTE FROM HER BOOK:
“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment